A new study from Brigham Young University found that parental favoritism is real and that factors like gender, birth order and a child’s temperament can serve as influences.
The study, which was done in Europe and North America, looked at data from 20,000 people and showed parents tend to favor daughters slightly more than sons.
“We have to keep in mind that culture plays a big difference,” said Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist, on “CBS Mornings.” “I know my Asian and South Asian friends will say, ‘Daughters? Are you kidding me? No, the sons are the favorite children.'”
Varma, author of the book “Practical Optimism,” said in addition to traditions and culture, it’s also about perception.
“A lot of times, the agreeable child may get less attention even though they are the favored child,” she said. “The parent is like, ‘I need to focus on the child that needs me more,’ the kid that’s having rebellious behavior or oppositional.”
Varma said daughters are sometimes favored because they are often considered “easier to parent.”
“Part of what makes parenting easier for some parents is, ‘Is my kid also agreeable and conscientious and diligent and dutiful and obedient and respectful?'” Varma explained. “If a parent feels insecure or that the child is demanding too much, it makes the parents feel less competent and therefore shows less favoritism to the child.”
She said the key for parents is listening.
“So you may say, ‘What constitutes favoritism?’ Is it how much time you spend with me? Is it how much affection? I think parents really need to listen to the kid and validate what they’re expressing,” Varma said.
Varma offered advice on how not to show favoritism, including:
- Listen to your child’s complaints
- Don’t get defensive
- Validate your child’s experience
- Spend one-on-one time
- Invest in your child’s talents
Another tip from Varma: “Don’t dismiss what your child is saying and try to spend more one-on-one time if there’s multiple children.”
